When Shit Hits the Fan: A Survival Guide

Alright, so this isn’t a survival guide per say and I apologize if I put out the wrong impression. I’m just very particular about my titles. I like them to have a certain gusto to them so it was either this or “When Shit Hits the Fan: A Cautionary Tale” which isn’t what this post was really either. If I were to be honest it is a mix between the two, but “When Shit Hits the Fan: A Cautionary Survival Tale/ Guide” did not have the same ring to it.

The title is neither here nor there though so moving on. This topic is actually just something I unfortunately have a lot of experience with. The cookie doesn’t always crumble the same way for everyone and I think that is very important to understand. These are just a handful of insights and experiences I have had being a bottom rock dweller.

What got me thinking about this is my most recent personal disaster. I am not going to touch upon the details of said disaster (for now), but just how  I’ve been dealing with it. Normally I power through my crises by immediately picking myself up again and with cheesy motivational quotes. Cause if I believed that  “Something will grow from all you are going through, and it will be you” – Google Search for Motivational Quotes, then I would be ok.

The only thing that was growing though was the times i’ve used my strange optimism in the face of adversity. And what I realized was that I used it to cover up the actual deeper meaning of my problems. And guess  what? The cycle would continue. I’ve always prided myself on my resilience. I’ve overcome so many low points that it almost stopped phasing me. I was so used to a cycle of picking myself and falling back down that I almost didn’t realize that each time It happened the road blocks were getting bigger and bigger and so were the consequences. Turns out people are less sympathetic towards your plight once you hit 30-something. 

I am a big supporter in doing whatever it is ya gotta to get through what you’re going through. If it’s corny sayings and chocolate I say make your insta a beacon of hope and buy yourself some goddamn chocolates. I prefer cheese, but that’s just me…who am I to judge? If you need to mope and not be a person for the day be the best non-person you can be! Cry it out if you need to. Exercise. So many options, and none of them are wrong. What I am trying to say is…it’s a process and everybody’s is different.

What caught me so off guard this time was that my process had changed. I wasn’t jiving with the whole light at the end of tunnel thing this time. Everything was hitting me much harder, like I was the last kid left on a losing dodgeball team. This is the first time ever I dealt with my anxiety and depression by staying in bed for basically an entire week. I tried telling myself it was okay and it just must be what I needed, but while I layed in bed my responsibilities kept piling up and my mood stayed unwavering.  I didn’t feel okay with this… plus my body hurt. Who knew staying in bed could make you so sore!?!

But you know what, I got through it. It took a lot longer but I am finally feeling somewhat like myself again. During that terrible week I actually allowed myself to feel the emotions I had been avoiding and instead of posting quotes about self discovery and overcoming obstacles, I was actually working towards those goals. Did it take a little longer? Was the path there a little different? Most certainly. Am I out of the woods yet?  No…but at least I’ve stopped walking in circles.

My big takeaway for this post is don’t over concern yourself with the process just work towards your progress by any means necessary.

❤ Sweeney

 

The problem with labeling girls as having “Daddy Issues”

So obviously, today is Father’s Day. Not that you would forget, but in case you did you can just check your social media and be flooded with imagery and posts dedicated to Dad today. They’re cute, don’t stop doing them and make sure to be thankful if you have a good Father figure in your life.

Unfortunately, not everybody does… or they did and they were cheated out of that figure far too soon. I kind of fall into both of those categories. I had an absentee Father for most of my life, not because he didn’t love me, but because his personal demons took him away from me. Eventually those struggles also took his life and I was left to navigate through the complicated emotions I felt about everything.

Luckily I have a wonderful Step Father who took on the roll that my Dad was never ever to fulfill. Still it was a complicated and messy situation that really had taken a toll on me over the years. I guess you could say… I have Daddy Issues.

Ughhh there are so many problems I have with labeling somebody as having “Daddy Issues”. According to Urban Dictionary:

Whenever a female has a fucked up relationship with her father, or absence of a father figure during her childhood, it tends to spill into any adult relationship they embark on, usually to the chagrin of any poor male in their life”

Ummm…. I’ve dated my boyfriend for 11 years and I really don’t think he considered himself a poor male in my life. Why does something we have no control over make us damaged goods? And where did this notion of woman who have had bad relationships with their Father are constantly seeking male approval? Urban Dictionary also notes having Daddy issues

“Results in younger women chasing older men and even seeking mistreatment in some cases.”

I mean, obviously you have to take Urban Dictionary with a grain of salt but…. WTF

Honestly I feel like I personally tried to seek out healthier relationships because of the damaged one I had with my Father… but maybe that’s just me?

Listen, I’m not saying loosing your Father or not having him in your life doesn’t create issues. It does and it is fully possible it shapes the kind of relationships we seek and even our behavior. I just don’t think it’s fair to label a girl as “crazy” or “easy” or “broken” because of it.

Today is a day to be appreciative to the men who have been there in your life. Maybe it’s the Father or your children, you’re Step Dad or even Uncle Joe who was always there for you. It doesn’t look the same to everyone and that’s ok.

I think the real message I am trying to drive home is just to love more and judge less. So happy Father’s Day and don’t worry it’s ok to have issues.

❤ Sweeney