Unemployment & The Effects on Mental Health. Plus: Interviewing w/anxiety

Raise your hand if you’ve been indefinitely furloughed during Covid-19. I bet it has been a lot of you, myself included,  so I know firsthand how much it sucks! Sure it was kind of fun at first. I enjoyed having no work obligations while being blissfully unaware of my soon-to-be dire financial situation because I was receiving that neat extra $600 a week. Flash forward to 7 months later and all I can say is… ugh. 

I severely underestimated the role routine plays in my mental health. Having an infinite amount of time on your hands is honestly stressful AF. I’ve been attempting to achieve some normalcy to my days but it’s not as easy as you may think. I get super stressed out thinking of ways to fill my free time and I feel guilty when I feel I am not doing “enough”. I’m pretty sure I thought I’d be Rembrandt by now, reaping in the benefits of having an abundance of hours for self-improvement. However, here I sit typing this with no new skill-sets that I can think of. Oops. On the flip side outwardly, I definitely think I’ve experienced a quarantine glow up. Remember that thing I was saying about needing routine? Well, I’ve replaced it with working out. Now before you get jelly, I just wanted to include the disclaimer that I’m fairly certain I’ve developed an unhealthy obsession. Sometimes the only thing I know what to do with myself is to work out. Read a book? Nah… let’s take my 10th yoga class of the day instead. Trust me,  It’s not as zen as you may think. 

Inbetween my endless amount of exercise, however, I have found time to apply for new jobs. How many jobs have I applied to you asked? So far, 57. How many interviews have I had? 2. And don’t get me started on how many times per day  I refresh my email checking for interview requests and/pr callbacks. 

The whole process is miserable. Believe it or not, for someone with anxiety, I am actually pretty good at interviewing. Although I definitely do analyze in my head every word I said over and over once the interview is finished.  What really is breaking me though is not getting interviews. I understand the job market is a little… errr…rough right now but why wouldn’t anyone want to give the girl who just figured her shit out a chance? But seriously… I suppose my resume is a bit all over the place, but how was I supposed to know a pandemic was going to hit once I found a fulfilling job that I loved and truly respected me as an employee? I promise this last job was going to be the one that said I had been there for like 5 years… so why don’t you take my word for it and interview me…or better yet hire me? Please?!?!? Cause I am stared to get very worried. 

How is everyone else handling finding work during these strange times? Feel free to reach out because I’d love to know. And if you know anybody whose hiring….. I’m SUPER availavbile! 😉

❤ Sweeney

What to Drink when you’re not drinking… during quarantine

So I’ve actually been meaning to write a similar post (sans quarantine) ever since I quit drinking… 11 months. Clearly undertaking something so difficult for me has done nothing to improve my procrastination so here we are.

Anyhow, it’s no secret that due to covid-19 most of us non-essentials are stuck at home for the perpetual future To say it has been a stressful time an understatement. In my last post, I wrote about some of the coping mechanisms I have tried to use to manage my anxiety during this time. And I am aware that for a lot of people it has been drinking. I mean why not (take that statement with a grain of salt)? Most of us are not working and if we are on the front lines the stress is immeasurable. Alcohol can help ease our nerves and allows us to open up and laugh…when all we feel like doing is crying.

I understand. And to be honest this pandemic has been the ultimate test of my sobriety. I’d be lying if I told ya I  didn’t have a craving for a hard one to get me through this hard time. But atlas… I will not go down that rabbit hole because if I do… well (see earlier posts).

That’s me though.  I know a lot of people are able to enjoy alcohol responsibly and that’s great (I’m also slightly jealous!). However, if you’re looking to switch it up or concerned about your immune system (cause yea….alchohol will wreak havoc on that…sorry). Maybe you’re just a little sober curious. If so you’ve come to the right place! Below I’ll go over some of my favorite alcohol alternatives and how to purchase said beverages during quarantine. And yes … I have more in my tool belt than just Diet Coke and La Croix so do not worry my carbonated hating friends!

A good ol’ fashioned mocktail! 

Have a lot of juice at your house? With all this extra time on your hands, it is the perfect time to experiment, plus they are lots of fun to make! If I am hosting or attending a party I love to mix up a unique mocktail. It helps me feel like part of the festivities plus it serves as a tasty mixer for anybody looking for something a little bit more spiked.

Heres a link to one of my warm-weather favorites, Coconut Lavender-Lemonade!

Coconut Lavender Lemonade

Speaking of mocktails… if you’re a fan of playing with flavors and really want to step up your mocktail game I suggest…

Seedlip ” The World’s First Distilled Non-Alcoholic Spirits” and inspiration for this post.

I’d be lying if I told you if I knew anything that went into creating this tasty gem. What I do know os I can make a kick-ass virgin Moscow mule with it and that it comes in 3 flavors with really cute bottles that have animals on them (who doesn’t love majestic animals?). It has a distinct but slight earthy taste and comes in a captain morgan esque- spice flavor, a “garden” flavor which I’d assume would be good for bloody mary’s (admittedly not my favorite flavor) and grove which has more of a citrus taste.

They are still shipping nationwide during everything. I suggest looking at their site for some cool recipe ideas and to learn more about them!

Seedlip Drinks

Ok so at this point you may be thinking, mocktails are cool and all Kristen but I need something to mellow me out during all this. Well, you my friend are in luck! So the following could be considered a little controversial in the sober community, but for me, I find them totally fine and fantastic alternatives to alcohol when I need to relax. Honestly, sobriety is so personal and it is my belief that if I find CBD beneficial it is no big deal. Again that is just me but I just figured I’d start with that disclaimer and also totally give away my next drink.

Recess or other CBD infused drinks

By now we’ve all been inundated with the hype surrounding CBD. There is just about “CBD infused” everything…everywhere. Did you know you can buy ridiculously overpriced cbd activewear? I’m getting track now though.  Recess is probably my favorite on the market to bring to a party. They come in pretty pastel cans (can you tell I am a sucker for marketing?) and you feel cool sipping them. They are sparkingly seltzer that come in 3 flavors, Blackberry Chai,  Peach Ginger and Pomengratente Hibiscus. 10 out of 10 would recommend if you’re looking to relax without the hangover.

Learn more at Take A Recess

Now onto my fave and what I am sipping in my feature photo…


Who doesn’t love a little natural relaxation? For centuries this calming South Pacific root has been brewed in teas but is only just starting to gain popularity in the United States. Kava has been used for centuries by Pacific Islanders due to its sedative and euphoric properties. Kava has been used to treat insomnia, migraines, and hailed as a natural alternative to anti-anxiety medicines. Ummm… count me in!

Please, please note though that I highly suggest doing your research before you decide Kava is right for you. I would not suggest drinking alcohol with it or having if you regularly take benzos for anxiety (as it is already a sedative). What’s the point of feeling relaxed and euphoric if you’re just going to sleep through it?

We have a few Kava bars in my area which is great for a non-drinking gal like myself. I actually held my 32nd (ew) birthday at a Kava Bar! I had so much fun and was so appreciative of all my friends for going on an alternative night out on the town with me. There are many places you can get kava…you can even order it on Amazon! One of the Kava bars by me is even offering curbside no-contact pickup.

So there ya have it, folks, some of my favorite non-alcoholic drinks to enjoy whether I am  Zoom chatting during quarantine or out celebrating with friends (once its ok to do so, of course).

I hope you found this helpful or at the very least interesting. I never want to come off as like an alcohol shamer because honestly, that’s a personal choice and as long as it’s not causing problems for you I say go for it! If you are looking to cut back feel free to reach out for me advise or try some of these drinks. I have a few more alternatives that I use so if you’re interested in learning more shoot me a dm.

Stay safe everyone!

❤ Sweeney

Coronavirus & Anxiety

Well its certainly been a while since my last post…. and A LOT has certainly happened since then. I have actually been managing my anxiety (and sobriety) pretty well lately up until this pandemic hit (no I have not started drinking again).

And while anxiety has become a normal part of my existence the fear and uncertainness surrounding today’s circumstances have just about everyone in some state of panic.

I work for small business and I am scared shitless for our future. For the first time in many years, I have found myself happy, productive and valued at my place of employment and now it is all feels like it could be taken from me. With that said, I am sitting at work at this very moment typing this and I feel conflicted. I am grateful to still be able to make a paycheck at this time but feel strange and unsettled about not being quarantined at home.

I didn’t decide to blog for the first time in months though to just talk about me and my situation. I know so many people out there are in much more dire states than I am. I just wanted to write this to say that we’re all in this together. If you’re not accustomed to this amount of anxiety, it is understandable. I keep on hearing the phrase “We will get through this together” reiterated and I full-heartedly believe its true. If you’re feeling anxious that’s ok! Now more than ever, there are people out there who want to help you through whatever it is you may be going through during this crazy time.

Here are some of the tactics I’ve been implementing to help ease my nerves.

  1. Exercising. Yes… I know the gyms are closed! But it has been amazing to see an abundance of small studios offering live online classes. Also, there are so many awesome on-demand workout streaming sites and many of them are offering free subscriptions right now.

Some of my favorites right now are Ash Hot Yoga available through the Mind-Body Ap. Drop-in classes are only 11$. And while there are many streaming services available nothing can quite take the place of a live class with your favorite instructors and fit community. I also really like the idea of contributing to small studios to help them sustain during all of this.

Peloton is offering a 90 free trial on its App which is pretty awesome! I am kinda crazy and have like 100 gym memberships because I need variety. So having the option to take live studio classes or streaming something completely different on my own is important to me. Other apps/ gyms I know offering free trials Aaptiv, Planet Fitness, Club Pilates, Pure Barre, Beachbody, and Openfit.

RUN! get some fresh air and log some solo miles. It will do a lot for your sanity.

2. Online shopping with small businesses. I know with the uncertainness of income telling ya’ll shopping will help ease your anxiety might seem a little strange BUT if you are able to shop small. It makes me really happy to be able to support small businesses during this time because they need the most help… also I’m getting some pretty baller stuff.

I just ordered a wicked cute shirt from  Daayaniyoga. https://daayaniyoga.com/pages/shop-directory

3. Continuing my sobriety. I am aware this does not apply to everybody but drinking does lower your immune system and is a depressant that causes even more anxiety! But hey I am not going to judge you if you need a bottle of wine or 5. I am kind of over memes normalizing alcoholism during quarantining but I am a firm believer in “you do you”. I just know for ME continuing to abstain from alcohol is a good thing right now.

Sooooo….. those are actually the only 3 things I am really doing right now to help myself feel better. Some of the other things I suggest you try and that I need to start doing is

  1. Distance yourself from Social Media. OMG this is such a big one that I need to do right now. I have been excessively watching everybody’s Instagram stories. So if you’ve noticed I have watched every one of yours…no I am not a stalker!
  2. Meditate, I have been doing yoga but I could definitely take more time out of my day to breathe.
  3. Do things you have been putting off. Writing a blog post has been one of the things I’ve been meaning to do so YAY go me! But getting your taxes done or cleaning could help you feel less stir crazy.
  4. Facetime/ speak with your family more. I really suck at this sorry Mom!


Anyways my main point and take away is that while the world is a super stressful place right now… there are so many resources out there right now to help you and I manage this. I wish you all good health and urge you to stay safe. Feel free to message me if you’d like any other suggestions on how to combat stress and anxiety.

❤ Sweeney





Last Thursday I quietly celebrated a huge personal milestone. There were no champagne corks to be popped and no shots to be had though. This wasn’t the type of milestone you celebrated that way for because Thursday, Nov. 21st marked 6 months of abstaining from alcohol. Full disclosure, I did gleefully eat my weight in Froyo.

I have a strange relationship with this newfound sobriety. Part of me wants to scream on top of rooftops, proudly declaring to anybody who will listen, that I don’t drink anymore. The other part of me wants to shrivel up and hide in shame and pretend I never had a problem with alcohol, to begin with.

A few days into my sobriety or a few days before (I cannot recall) I wrote a post finally admitting that I had a problem with alcohol.  I kept it up a few days but did not share the post to any of my social media accounts.  Then after mulling over it agonizingly a couple days, I changed the post to private. I have not reread the post since. I’m actually sort of afraid to. I was in such a different headspace than I am in now and it’s hard to bring myself to relive that shame.  “Shame”…. there’s that word again, it haunts me.

It’s kind of weird how open I am about my struggles with anxiety, but I am also more secretive about my struggle with alcohol. I feel like there are so many more negative connotations with being an alcoholic and at the end of the day is it really a stigma…or is it just the reality of it?

I was a really shitty person when I drank and the severity of my drinking isn’t something I usually openly ever shareabout…maybe it should be…. maybe it shouldn’t. Just trust me, it was bad. Like shakes in the morning, drinking pints of vodka straight bad. Anxiety is hard enough. Now imagine having an anxiety disorder while withdrawing. That was my reality.  I cringe when I think about my behavior in the past decade (yup…decade, wow) due to drinking.

But whats a newly 6-month sober girl supposed to do, get down on herself 24/7 because of the past? I’m not saying I don’t reflect because I do but for my sanity, it is so much healthier for me to look at the present and future. So now that I’ve opened pandora’s box and shared this post I definitely plan on sprinkling in posts about sobriety here and there. I can’t change my past but I can learn from it. and hopefully, I can help others struggling to be less afraid to open up.

❤ Sweeney

Downward Facing Dog > Downward Spiral Fog

Woof, it’s been a hot sec! And for once it isn’t due to some self induced catastrophe…just your run of the mill procrastination! Life has been interesting lately, but in a good way. I have so much to update everybody with, but first I wanted to make this post about something I’ve been meaning to now for a few months, which if it isn’t obvious by the picture is yoga.

Awhile back I was going through a rough time. Actually… it seemed like every other second I was going through a rough time, but that isn’t what this post is about. Anyways, I had just unexpectedly lost my job and was thrown into the throes of WTF now anxiety. I was already  a huge  mess before this happend and adding this fuel to the fire did not help. Its hard to figure out what your next steps are going to be before you’ve learned to walk. So I did what any young adult without a job would do and signed up for an unlimited monthly yoga studio membership.

Let me backtrack a bit first. I had actually signed up to this studio on a Groupon BEFORE I lost my job and had really enjoyed it. I would go before work sometime and it was nice to switch up my routine. The studio was about 10 minutes from where I worked so it was perfect. And then, just like that it wasn’t anymore. I knew I was going to have to apply for unemployment and look for a new job but I wasn’t sure how long either of those would take. With my next source of income extremely uncertain I decided to take the plunge and sign up for unlimited yoga classes anyways.

I. Needed. Something. Too. Keep. Me. Going.

I started going to the studio almost everyday. What else was I going to do with my time? I was depressed, but it gave me something to look forward to everyday and a way to keep moving. I was also applying to jobs like a mad woman. Jobs I never would’ve have ever though of applying to before. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to do something different.

It was an extremely frustrating job search. Here I was in my early thirties and with a masters not getting call backs or interviews for entry level positions. Listen, I know a degree is fine art is going to get me a job as a banker but all the money I spent for my education must make me qualified for something right…..right?!?!?

During this time Yoga became my therapy and something unexpected happened as I started to practice more. I was no longer becoming stressed about my job search. I found myself at peace and truly believing jobs that I did not land were not meant to be. Hearing the mantras that the universe was unfolding exactly the way it should and that giving my best was always enough was incredible for my anxiety and peace of mind.

And guess what… the universe unfolded the way that it should and I got a job I love. I have less time for the studio now, but it holds a special place in my heart. It’s a tad corny but it really did bring me light during a dark time. Besides yoga I have now made a ton of other positive changes in my life as well and I am so excited to share them with everyone,  but until then the light in me honors the light in you. Namaste.

❤ Sweeney



When Parents Leave Too Soon


It’s hard to put into words the emotions I feel every time July 11th rolls around. 8 years ago my Father passed away and 8 years later I still have not fully processed it. I emphasize with anybody who has lost a parent, especially when it seems entirely too soon and unfair. My heart aches when I see other’s posts commemorating a loved one that has died or how they wished they could have grown up having their parent; their best friend. And then I think about my situation more. I’ve realized that I have been mourning the loss of my Dad for more than 8 years.

It’s a delicate thing to talk about people who are gone. While I am quick to admit I am sad and I am much less to inclined to confess that I am also mad. Would I offend somebody by acknowledging that my Dad was not there for me for most of my life? Is it ok to still be upset with somebody who is dead? But perhaps its too late to worry about those types of things…after all I did a photo series of self portraits of my Dad’s ashes (yes you read that right… on my face). You’d think being offensive would be the least of my concerns.


Other days I wonder if I’m facing certain problems in my life because my Dad faced them. Is he to blame? Let me clarify, that I know he is NOT and that I am in complete control of my life’s trajectory. But I’d be lying if I said the thought hasn’t cross my head from time to time.

Whether you’ve lost a parent due to death, because their not a part of your life or both… it is not something you ever really come to terms with and its hella complicated to navigate. I will say this though, the one positive to loosing my Dad was I feel like I understand him more in life than I did in death. I just wish I had that chance while he was still alive.

❤ Sweeney

The secret thing I haven’t shared and makes my anxiety worse.

This will be probably the hardest post I’ve written ever. Sharing your truths is a very hard thing to do, which is why I haven’t been able to keep up with this blog as much as I would like. The people who have reached out and told me they related and praised my bravery have helped me immensely, but at the same time I haven’t been so brave.

I’ve been sharing half truths with everyone this whole time. Yes, I do have crippling anxiety… but the other thing that I’ve been too afraid to share online is that I also have a substance abuse problem.

Sometimes I think people who know me do not take my anxiety seriously. They view it as solely an addiction problem… but like what came first the chicken or the egg?

I started drinking to ease my social anxiety. I never really even parted in high school and was mostly well liked, but when I got the college I didn’t quite know how to fit in. I went to a private college with mostly locals from an area COMPLETELY different from where I grew up. I was a competitive runner so I didn’t always drink as much as the other kids on campus, but when I did I would binge and binge hard. The binging would often lead to situations that got me so embarrassed that my already anxiety ridden self couldn’t handle it properly… but the incidences were isolated and by the next binge I’d always forget it.

I combatted my anxieties in college by being a perfectionist. I HAD to be skinny, HAD to be the fastest in my cross country teams, HAD to be the most creative in my art classes and HAD to be well liked. I put so much pressure on myself to be all of those things but I don’t think I was truly ever one of them. By the end of undergrad I was severely underweight… cracking under pressure at my biggest athletic meets and pretending I was this artist I simply was not. In fact I don’t even practice photography to this day. Part of it is because I never truly gained a confidence in myself and another part is I truly believe it never was my passion.

Which brings me to graduate school. If photography was truly never my passion why did I go for a MFA?!?!?!? I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment and at the time I had started grad school I was still running (literally) down my path of perfectionism. Despite my binging and several downfalls in undergrad I ultimately came out of the experience extremely accomplished. I came out of Grad school extremely accomplished too… but at a much higher price.

I was much younger than most my peers in grad school (there’s a reason people tell you to wait to figure out what you really want to do peeps!) and honestly looking back at it I just wasn’t as into the art world as everyone else. What I was into however were the gallery openings with unlimited wine, drinking with professors being a regular occurrence (even during class) and still feeling like I was pursuing something that was going to help me in the future. Spoiler alert… I’m not so sure it did.

If you’re extremely insecure with a drinking problem I do not suggest getting a masters in fine art… just saying. The constant critiquing and doubting took its toll on me but I always thought it had a purpose.

After I couldn’t get out of my binging habits after graduation, after I realized I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself, after floundering to get jobs and loosing the ones I have got and after a lot of self reflection… I’ve realized I’m where I am at not only because of anxiety but also because of drinking.

I still don’t know what came first but it truly hurts my soul thinking of how much this affliction has cost me. I am constantly trying to heal and self reflect but I am still struggling with the internal battle of being a perfectionist who threw so many of her accomplishments away.

Why is my biggest goal is to have my Linkden profile look impressive… when it really should be sobriety? I have lost so many friends so many opportunities but at the end of the day I know this too can be overcome. I am strong. And if I can be a perfectionist for something I my heart was never really that into… there’s no reason I can’t be for something that will literally save my life.

When Shit Hits the Fan: A Survival Guide

Alright, so this isn’t a survival guide per say and I apologize if I put out the wrong impression. I’m just very particular about my titles. I like them to have a certain gusto to them so it was either this or “When Shit Hits the Fan: A Cautionary Tale” which isn’t what this post was really either. If I were to be honest it is a mix between the two, but “When Shit Hits the Fan: A Cautionary Survival Tale/ Guide” did not have the same ring to it.

The title is neither here nor there though so moving on. This topic is actually just something I unfortunately have a lot of experience with. The cookie doesn’t always crumble the same way for everyone and I think that is very important to understand. These are just a handful of insights and experiences I have had being a bottom rock dweller.

What got me thinking about this is my most recent personal disaster. I am not going to touch upon the details of said disaster (for now), but just how  I’ve been dealing with it. Normally I power through my crises by immediately picking myself up again and with cheesy motivational quotes. Cause if I believed that  “Something will grow from all you are going through, and it will be you” – Google Search for Motivational Quotes, then I would be ok.

The only thing that was growing though was the times i’ve used my strange optimism in the face of adversity. And what I realized was that I used it to cover up the actual deeper meaning of my problems. And guess  what? The cycle would continue. I’ve always prided myself on my resilience. I’ve overcome so many low points that it almost stopped phasing me. I was so used to a cycle of picking myself and falling back down that I almost didn’t realize that each time It happened the road blocks were getting bigger and bigger and so were the consequences. Turns out people are less sympathetic towards your plight once you hit 30-something. 

I am a big supporter in doing whatever it is ya gotta to get through what you’re going through. If it’s corny sayings and chocolate I say make your insta a beacon of hope and buy yourself some goddamn chocolates. I prefer cheese, but that’s just me…who am I to judge? If you need to mope and not be a person for the day be the best non-person you can be! Cry it out if you need to. Exercise. So many options, and none of them are wrong. What I am trying to say is…it’s a process and everybody’s is different.

What caught me so off guard this time was that my process had changed. I wasn’t jiving with the whole light at the end of tunnel thing this time. Everything was hitting me much harder, like I was the last kid left on a losing dodgeball team. This is the first time ever I dealt with my anxiety and depression by staying in bed for basically an entire week. I tried telling myself it was okay and it just must be what I needed, but while I layed in bed my responsibilities kept piling up and my mood stayed unwavering.  I didn’t feel okay with this… plus my body hurt. Who knew staying in bed could make you so sore!?!

But you know what, I got through it. It took a lot longer but I am finally feeling somewhat like myself again. During that terrible week I actually allowed myself to feel the emotions I had been avoiding and instead of posting quotes about self discovery and overcoming obstacles, I was actually working towards those goals. Did it take a little longer? Was the path there a little different? Most certainly. Am I out of the woods yet?  No…but at least I’ve stopped walking in circles.

My big takeaway for this post is don’t over concern yourself with the process just work towards your progress by any means necessary.

❤ Sweeney


Transitions, Resulotions & Insurance Lapses

So I know it’s been a while since I’ve last written a post. It seems like whenever I have the most the write about the less likely I am to actually do it. That’s anxiety for you though I guess…

A lot… and I mean a lot has been going on recently. I guess I’ll start out with letting everyone know that I got a new job. I’m using the term “new” loosely however since I’ve been there now for over 2 months. It’s funny how much emotional weight we put into jobs. I was initially so excited for my “new beginning” and new career path. It’s exhilarating going through the application process when the outcome is you actually land the job. I’m not trying to say I am no longer happy with my position… I’m just trying to say I forgot how much an emotional and mentally taxing experience starting a new job can be.

At my previous job, I was fairly open with my mental health. I felt very supported by peers and comfortable opening up to them. Ultimately though, it just wasn’t the right position for me. Going into this new opportunity I was conflicted if I wanted to be as open about anxiety as I had been in the past. Would they look at me differently? Would they think I was less capable of my job duties? Would they wonder why the heck I would choose to share something so personal to me? Should this be something I even bring up in the workplace? Where should the line be drawn with this sort of thing anyway?

I decided it wasn’t something I wanted to bring up. I also decided to make my Instagram private because I wasn’t sure what somebody from work would think if they stumbled across my blog. Even though I pride myself on being open on the subject, I decided that this time it was something I wanted to hide and that it was something I that I was embarrassed about.

About a month before I left my old job I had started to take serious strides to take back control of mental health. I was seeing a therapist weekly and we had plans to reach out to a nurse practitioner to evaluate/ adjust the anti-depressants I was on. She was super supportive when I told her about my new job and I told her I estimated it would probably be about a month before my new insurance would kick in. Then I found out my estimate was wrong and it was actually going to be at least three months…..whoops.

But whatever, I had this. I felt really confident and strong going into my job duties and I was for once really excited for my future. In the midst of training, I had completely forgotten my anti-depressants were out of refills and subsequently stopped taking them. I might’ve touched on this before but NEVER ABRUPTLY STOP TAKING YOUR ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. Right, when everything in the workplace was getting it’s most stressful my brain decided it was time for seratonin gymnastics. Needless to say, it was not a good look. I was crying on the daily, I felt completely out of control and I felt completely ashamed.

That’s when I decided to bite the bullet and go to my local medi-center just in order to get a refill. I didn’t care how much it cost because I literally felt like I was going insane. But the damage was done. At the exact time, I needed to be at the top of my game I became crippled with self-doubt.
I’m not going to go into much detail about how much worse it got… but trust me things got way worse than I could ever have imagined.

And on that light-hearted note… let’s talk about New Years! I cannot believe I’ve been writing in the blog now for over a year. Time really flies when you’re having a panic attack. No, but in all seriousness, I am currently in a much better state and ready to kick some 2019 ass. I’ve grown too accustomed to going through bouts of tremendous lows, picking up the pieces and then trying again. While I still admire my resilence in such situations, my goal this year is to stay in control of things and not let them control me. Honestly, I think this is my toughest resolution to date. And before I end this (and wait another 300 months for a new post) I just wanted to thank everyone who read and kept up with my blog this past year. I didn’t even realize how many people actually read this until they would come up to me at gatherings and tell me how much they relate to what I write. Those type of reactions is why I keep trying to be open about my life and the struggles I go through. I hope you all have a great 2019 and if you’re not, feel to reach out and tell me why I am always here to listen!

Recovering From Summer

So I know it’s been a hot sec since I wrote a post, but what can I say? I was out there living my best life…. JK I was out there living my typical unbalanced life. Which isn’t to say it was all bad. Parts of my summer were incredible, but more on that later.

I know its not technically Fall yet, but at least it’s not 90 degrees anymore so it felt appropriate to discuss this.  Summer is a fricken whirlwind.  I guess there is something about warm weather that causes me (and many others Im sure) to throw caution to the wayside. All of sudden you go from having a somewhat predictable routine to going to BBQ’s every other day, the beach and on vacation.

It’s a crap load of fun, don’t get me wrong… but for me it is also very dangerous and full of temptations. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog you know that I had stopped drinking for quite some period of time. You may even think I was still following that trajectory, but *spoiler alert* I haven’t. It was a great time of self reflection for me, but it was also very hard and admittedly I got tired of it.

I slowly started drinking again here and there at gatherings during the Spring, but it was still a sort of take it or leave type thing. Once Summer hit however, it was all bets off and I became unhinged. I could probably make a lot of excuses… I was stressed at work, my anxiety medication wasn’t work as well as it used to (or I would forget to take it or take too much),  I was going to too many events, whatever the case may be…Summer is over and its time to jump back into good habits.

Sometimes I feel like such a transparent person. Whenever I am going through a rough time it is painfully obvious, not just to me but to EVERYONE around me. That can become extremely daunting and in turn I usually become even more destructive/anxious/depressed.

Now that Fall is here I feel like I can finally take a step back and look at everything with clearer vision, take a breath and get my shit together.

Will I stop drinking again? Will I finally seek out a therapist? Will I get a second opinion about my medication? To be continued…. but it is looking more likely than it did before.

What about Summer throws you off your routine??? Comment below, I’d love for you to share!


❤ Sweeney